Valentines

Rating: 1

We ate dinner here in June 2023.

Buffet style meals

Oh my god Valentine’s still exists! We all have fond memories of birthdays at Valentine’s. The fee,-rexs mum used to fill a serviette with jellybeans and stuff it in her purse. We were thrilled to see the old classics were still there, even the traffic light and pink panther.

When we arrived there were a good twenty people in the place. Fifteen minutes later it was just us. Evidently a 7.40pm arrival is tail end for Valentine’s. Perhaps we should have taken this as a warning. We started with soup and bread. The pumpkin soup had a thick skin on it, but wasn’t too bad flavour wise. There was focaccia, some of which was nice while other pieces were rock hard.

Then it was onto the main meals. The roast potatoes were okay although some were underdone. The nuggets were okay in the sense that they were chicken nuggets. Same goes for the loaded wedges. And the karaage chicken was passable, shout-out for providing kewpie mayo.

Everything else sucked. The carvery meat was particularly offensive, insanely dry. There were unexpected bones in the butter chicken.

Dessert was more exciting, but no better. The tan slice and brandy snap were lonely rays of goodness while everything else was some varying shade of bad. Rock hard jellybeans ambushed us from our bowls of soft serve, and when we say rock hard, you need to understand that we mean that they literally cracked as we bit into them. The Eskimo lolly that was perched atop the Fee-Rex’s dessert pile turned out to be so old that it had gotten crunchy. Crunchy. The chocolate fountain looked very inviting, but was actually an equally dastardly trap, but the circulating chocolate was just foul.

In the end, we tried almost everything that Valentine had to offer. While there were a few truly unappetizing dishes on offer that we couldn’t quite put ourselves through, we feel that we can provide a holistic review of the dining experience at Valentine’s. The verdict: avoid.