Muffin Break

Rating: 1

We ate lunch here in July 2021.

Feta, pine nut and spinach quiche
Cheese and onion toastie
Apple and caramel muffin
Banana smoothie

How did you do it, Muffin Break? How did you make the worst banana smoothie we have ever had? Artificial banana syrup, obviously, that’s a given. But there was somehow more. Most smoothies made from banana syrup end up tasting like a milkshake. Perhaps Muffin Break make their own signature syrup, from the peels of old bananas and the tears of a Cambodian orphan, creating a blend which is somehow simultaneously too sweet and too bitter. Undrinkable, which was a shame because we both needed some liquid to wash down the other disgusting components of the meal. The cheese and onion toastie never arrived. Instead, a cheese, ham and tomato toastie, which we definitely hadn’t ordered, somehow arrived. It was overcheesed, the ham was gross, and had gone soggy on the bottom from sitting too long on the plate. Perhaps this was because it had visited almost every other table before us. Despite the tables being numbered, the wait staff seemed to have no idea which meal went where. We were offered coffees, and then later a cheesy muffin, none of which was ours. The quiche just tasted like old spinach. The feta and pine nuts were visible, but not tasteable. We saw the waitress trying to give our quiche to another table; we wish she had succeeded. The muffin at least was okay. Perhaps Muffin Break had put all of their effort into making their flagship dish passable, leaving no energy for anything else. Pretty tragic. Although not as tragic as how many people were choosing to eat there. The place was packed! We need to band together, stop eating at Muffin Break, and let it die.