Long Black Cafe

Rating: 2

We ate lunch here in March 2021.

Banana smoothie
Cheese and pineapple toasted sandwich
Beef burger with chips

A good toastie is a thing of true beauty, however too many cafes have the toasted sandwich as a throwaway, easy addition to the menu for no other reason other than because they have the ingredients. Long Black Cafe falls into this category. They had at least done a grainy bread instead of a plain white sandwich loaf, but there was very little love put into this toastie. We’re not saying this to single out Long Black Cafe, most toasties are like this, this frustration has been building for a while, and it’s time to cry shame on anyone who does this to the toastie sandwich. Crushed pineapple should not be used in a toasted sandwich, it’s too wet and it gives you a soggy inner bread surface. This toastie did have a good amount of cheese, and at least they cut it into triangles and not the dreaded and baleful rectangular slice. Our recommendation to cafes everywhere is to just not offer a toasted sandwich if you are going to treat it with this much contemptuous disrespect. The smoothie had quite a bit going for it, excellent texture and temperature, with a wide metal straw, it could have been a bit sweeter though. The burger was a let down for $20 in Woodville. These guys need to head down the road to Empire Sports Empire Sports & Garden Bar Restaurant to check out a burger that is 25% cheaper and 250% better. The bun was plain, the patty was of the dig-out-of-a-freezer-for-a-quick-Sunday-dinner variety, and the cheese was plastic. The salad in it was actually quite nice, and they had put it on the bottom bun, which is the proper way to construct a burger. Unfortunately, they decided to lubricate the patty on both sides with the melted sheet of plastic cheese on top and thick slices of slippery tomato on the bottom. As if to warn us of the trap that had been laid, the lid of the burger dismounted from the rest of it as the plate was put on our table.