The Coffee Club

Rating: 2

We ate lunch here in January 2021.

Beef brisket burger with chips Vegan chicken salad
Banana and honey smoothie

You may be wondering why we are reviewing a chain such as The Coffee Club. In this particular instance, there are two reasons. Firstly, no one is safe from Business Andy and the Fee-Rex. We will review any establishment, as long as it is dine-in. Secondly, the site where this Coffee Club now stands used to house a different cafe from which the Fee-Rex was fired as a teenager, so this was a bit of a destination. Let’s start on a positive - the burger was actually very nice. While the brisket itself was slightly dry, this was more than masked by the ample sauce. On the meh side, the smoothie had unfortunately been made with an under-ripe banana, resulting in a stringy and dry aftertaste. Smoothie texture and coolness was good. The vegan chicken salad sucked. We know what you’re thinking, perhaps we brought this on ourselves for ordering a vegan chicken salad. After all, we’re not even vegan. However, we firmly believe that any diner, vegans included, should be able to have a tasty meal, which this salad was not. The “vegan chicken” was extraordinarily dry and liberally doused in a hot sauce from the underpants of satan himself. The rest of the salad was actually fine, but the sauce had pervaded all, and the “chicken” was too offensive to be redeemed.